Mother Goose and other rhymes

Ring around a rosy

Pocket full of posies

Husha husha

We all fall down.

For years I’ve heard that the origins of this nursery rhyme lay in London’s Great Plague – rosy cheeks brought on by fever, posies to ward off the danger, and the final, inevitable death. What a gruesome rhyme, I thought, to sing with your children.

Well, it turns out that the plague plot line is not accurate. For one thing, the rhyme does not appear in any anthologies before 1881, long after the plague was over. For another, the symptoms mentioned in the song do not match those of the bubonic plague. And finally, there is a second verse with the final line “We all get up”. Which, of course, we couldn’t do if we were dead.

“Falling down’ and ‘getting up’ refers instead to a simple curtsey or dance movement.

This and other stories about favourite nursery rhymes can be found in the book “Oranges and Lemons: Rhymes from Past Times” by Karen Dolby (Michael O’Mara Books Limited, 2015).

It is interesting to read about the origins of some of the rhymes that have entertained and educated children for more than 500 years.

The queen with the mouse under her chair, for example, was England’s Elizabeth 1.

The little lamb that followed Mary to school one day is based on a true story that happened in the United States.

“Pat a Cake Pat a Cake Baker’s Man” was first quoted in 1698.

“Rain rain go away” dates back to the time of the ancient Greeks and Romans. Children, who were believed to have special power to affect weather, would chant it to make the sun come out.

It is said that Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote “There was a little girl who had a little curl” on the spur of the moment while holding his infant daughter.

Many rhymes were designed as learning songs – the alphabet, numbers, the days of the week. Others as an aid to making choices (“Eeny Meeny Miny Mo”) and still others as an inducement to sleep (“Rock-A-Bye Baby).

A was an apple pie

B bit it

C cut it

D dealt it

E eat it

F fought for it

G got it

H had it

I inspected it

J jumped for it

K kept it

L longed for it

M mourned for it

N nodded at it

O opened it

P peeped at it

Q quartered it

R ran for it

S stole it

T took it

U upset it

V viewed it

W wanted it

X, Y Z and ampersand

All wished for a piece in hand.

 

The fact that they have survived is a testament to their value. The times may have changed, but the needs of our children have not.

Puss in Boots

If the food bowl fits…….

 

Many of us, when we’re feeling overwhelmed, Google baby pictures to get our daily dose of oxytocin, the hormone associated with bonding and empathy, among other things.

Some of us, judging by the number of cute kittens on social media at least, get the same feel-good warmth from feline photos.

Not too long ago, a 15-second video made the rounds of Facebook. Two kittens, two rubber boots. One in each.

The kitten in the right boot stays hunkered down inside his rubber home. All you can see are eyes.

The kitten in the left boot, on the other hand, is trying to scramble up. The weight of his paws forces the rubber to fold in on itself and down he goes again.

Sometimes he manages to get two paws into the boot beside him. It looks as if he is trying to get on top of his sibling. He does not succeed, but he keeps trying.

It is obvious that the kittens are playing, although the challenge of getting out of the boots may prove more difficult than they at first imagined. And mother is nowhere to be seen.

She has given them the independence to figure this out for themselves.

If animals play, this is because play is useful in the struggle for survival; because play practices and so perfects the skills needed in adult life” Susanna Miller

I have not been able to find out who Susanna Miller is, or what her credentials are, but I can agree with her sentiment.

It is even possible to extend the thought to humans. Children learn about their world and how to live with others in it through play. And sometimes parents need to step aside to let that play happen.

Something to think about.

 

If you would like to see those kittens for yourself, you can go to:

https://www.facebook.com/topretriever/videos/1807075689607254/

Glow, little glow worm

At the end of each school year, the country school I attended would hold an evening picnic. There would be a pick-up ball game, adults and students playing together, followed by a weiner roast and potluck supper. As daylight faded, children entertained themselves by catching fireflies. Some with forethought had brought along glass jars in which to hold the insects. Others held the fireflies captive between two hands, spreading fingers slightly to watch the lights inside.

My memories of those nights are hazy. I remember few details. Except for the fireflies. I never forget the fireflies.

“Fireflies in the Garden By Robert Frost 1874–1963

Here come real stars to fill the upper skies,

And here on earth come emulating flies,

That though they never equal stars in size,

(And they were never really stars at heart)

Achieve at times a very star-like start.

Only, of course, they can’t sustain the part.”

― Robert Frost, The Poetry of Robert Frost

 

Warm skies, the stars are listening.

Country night sings her song.

Fireflies light the distance.

Making me want to sing along.

– Ruthie Foster

A BEETLE BY ANY OTHER NAME

We call them fire flies or lightning bugs. We call their larvae glow worms.

Shine little glow-worm, glimmer, glimmer;

Shine little glow-worm, glimmer, glimmer

But they are not flies. They are not bugs. And they are not worms.

They are beetles. And they are bioluminescent throughout every cycle of their lives. Even their eggs glow.

They are the world’s most efficient light producers. They produce cold light, too, which is lucky for them. If their flickering produced as much heat as it does light, they would likely be burned to a crisp.

Their light is their language; it is how they talk to others of their species.

So many fascinating scientific facts to be learned if you stay outside to watch the fireflies.

“Magic is seeing wonder in nature’s every little thing, seeing how wonderful the fireflies are and how magical are the dragonflies.”

― Ama H. Vanniarachchy

What’s more, we’re having fun doing it.

I wish I was a glow worm,

A glow worm’s never glum.

“cos how can you be grumpy

When the sun shines out your bum.

– author unknown

Magic and memories. Fascinating facts and fun. All in the great outdoors.

The recipe for a perfect summer.

-30-

What I Heard at the Fathering Conference

People who work in parent-child programming are accustomed to attending conferences where women outnumber men by a significant margin.

It is a novel – and enlightening– experience to attend a conference where there are as many male participants as there are female, and where the majority of the presenters are male.

The national Fathering Conference in Winnipeg March 1 and 2 was just such an event.

Sponsored by Dad Central Canada, the one and a half day event was entitled “Side by Side: Strategies for Working with Vulnerable Fathers”.

Attending any conference always involves choices – ‘which breakout sessions do I attend?’ – and one person’s notes may not look anything like another’s as a result. When I reviewed my notes after the conference, I found these nuggets.

Father involvement:

• Is greater in the upper and middle classes
• Affects child development
• Is affected by vulnerability and marginalization

Words I Will Not Forget

“I have not failed; I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

What makes a father vulnerable:

• Mental illness
• Incarceration
• Military career
• Newcomer status
• Domestic violence
• Aboriginal background
• Youth
• Non-residential
• Racialized
• Special needs

(I think I would add socio-economic status to the list. Poverty equals vulnerability in many cases and this supports the earlier statement that father involvement is greater in the upper and middle classes.)

Five strength-based assumptions:

• Fathers desire to have regular interaction with their kids.
• Fathers have an innate ability to nurture and care for their children
• Fathers focus on success in all areas of their children’s lives
• Fathers have important and unique gifts to bring to families
• When we strengthen fathers, we strengthen kids.

Words I Will Not Forget

Adolescence is a stage, not an age.

What do dads want in a dad’s group? (as selected by dads in Ontario’s Niagara region).

• Peer to peer
• Evening
• Facilitator with lived experience
• Accessible location
• Topics of interest
• Food
• child care
• “not like school”
• Group of dads

Words I Will Not Forget

Every time you say the words “at risk”, it is potentially prejudicial.

For further information and resources you can go to www.dadcentral.ca

The Scandinavian Village

Icelandic babies are left outside to nap in freezing temperatures. It is not uncommon to see a pram outside a coffee shop parents grabbing a cup while the baby sleeps. Or to see one outside of a home as many Icelandic babies nap outside at least once a day, no matter the season.

Source: http://icelandmonitor.mbl.is/news/news/2017/01/29/20_strange_and_awesome_facts_about_iceland/bout_iceland/

These are not identified as pictures from Iceland; they are, however, identified as pictures from a Scandinavian country.  In all Scandinavian countries, parents let their babies nap outside even in winter. They also leave prams untended outside restaurants and stores while they drink their coffee and do their shopping.

The Finnish Ministry of Labour specifically recommends outdoor naps for infants:

“Irrespective of the season, many children have their evening naps outside in prams.

Many babies sleep better outdoors in the fresh air than in the bedroom. Sleeping outdoors is not dangerous for a baby. One may gradually start going outdoors when the baby is two weeks old. “

Nowadays most day-care centres in Sweden put children outside to rest. It’s common to see rows of prams lined up in the snow at naptime, with youngsters fast asleep inside.

The theory behind outdoor napping is that children exposed to fresh air, whether in summer or winter, are less likely to catch coughs and colds – and that spending a whole day in one room with 30 other children does them no good at all.

Many parents also believe their children sleep better and for longer in the open.

While the weather may be cold, however, it is important that the children have wool closest to their bodies, warm clothes and a warm sleeping bag.

As the Swedes say, “There is no bad weather, only bad clothing.”

Another saying sums up what Swedes are likely to think when toddlers in other countries are kept indoors in sub-zero temperatures: “A little fresh air never hurt anyone.” It’s a saying that many Canadian parents and grandparents have been heard to say, as well.

Those who grew up with Dr. Spock as their parenting guide remember his instructions to let children sleep with an open window in their bedrooms, regardless of the season. Somewhere along the line our society decided that the dangers of cold air outweigh its benefits, although as awareness of something called nature deficit disorder is becoming more widespread, we are beginning to think more about the importance of the outdoors.

But the fresh air issue is only part of it, of course. There is an element of fear involved as well. What if someone abducted your child while he was alone outside? What if the child were in distress and we were not there to fix the problem?

Child abduction is not something that Scandinavian parents worry too much about. In Denmark, for example, kidnappings are exceedingly rare. Reports suggest that there have been three in the last 30 years (and two of those were by would-be thieves who just wanted to steal a bike, not a bike and a baby).

Child abduction is perhaps not a significantly high risk in Canada either, although the fear of it is significant. So is the fear that something bad might happen if we take our eyes away for too long.

It’s not as if Scandinavian parents don’t make use of modern devices such as high-tech monitors attached to strollers; they do. And they’re never that far away to begin with. They’re usually sitting by a restaurant window where they can easily see their pram. And if they don’t hear or see what is happening with their child, passersby will nicely let them know.

Not so in other parts of the world where leaving a child outside and alone is enough to bring law enforcement to your door. In one well-publicized case from 1997 (20 years ago now), authorities turned a child over to foster care and arrested the parents — a Danish-American couple, it so happens — after they enjoyed a snack in a New York eatery while the baby lazed in her stroller outside.

In Scandinavia, it seems, people are still willing to help people out, not judge and/or convict them for their parenting habits. They seem to be residents in the village that raises the child and wouldn’t we all like to live in a village like that?

What do you need for Christmas, Mom?

Both my children have asked me that question recently.

Seems like it was only yesterday that I was mailing letters to the North Pole for them. Their Dad and I always knew what they wanted for Christmas. They told us over and over again.

But now they are adults, although always our children, and they are the ones asking the question.

It’s not that easy a question to answer.

There are not so many things I ‘need’ these days, you see, but I haven’t stopped ‘wanting’ yet.

The older I get, the more I find that the things I want the most can’t be wrapped in shiny paper. They are huge, but have no shape that would fit neatly inside a box or bag.

Some of them can’t be purchased at all. They are priceless, but have no price tag.

Some of them are not even possible, but that doesn’t stop the wanting.

My Christmas List

I want a calendar to mark the special days and remind myself that each day can be special.

I want a journal to hold time in one place for memory’s sake.

I want a snowflake to remind me of the awe and excitement that was winter in childhood.

I want a candle to symbolize the season, but also to remind me of candles lit within the year: on birthday cakes, for example, or spooky Hallowe’en nights.

I want the smell of that candle burning.

I want the colours of the seasons, wrapped in a bow.

I want the sound of your voices on the phone, saying that you arrived safely and all is well.

I want yesterday back for just the length of the Christmas season. I want the presence of family and friends who cannot now be with us except in memory. I want the excitement of Christmas morning with young children.

I want the sound of a bell. Just the sound.

I want kindness and warm hugs. I want great big bellyfuls of laughter.

I want peace on earth.

I want you home for Christmas. But if you can’t be here, I want you safe wherever you are.

I want the words to tell you just how much you mean to your Dad and me.

Love,

Mom

P.S. What do YOU need for Christmas?

P.P.S. I hope your list is easier than mine.

 

What’s in a Village?

Lots of children.

So says Dr. Peter Gray, a research professor at Boston College and the author of an article in Psychology Today entitled “The Culture of Childhood: We’ve Almost Destroyed It.”

“Children learn the most valuable lessons from other children, away from adults,” Gray says.

In fact, he turns the much-used African proverb around to suggest that the village raises the child because of the presence of many children within its boundaries. He quotes J.R. Harris (1998):

The reason it takes a village is not because it requires a quorum of adults to nudge erring youngsters back onto the paths of righteousness. It takes a village because in a village there are always enough kids to form a play group.

Gray says that children are biologically designed to pay attention to the other children in their lives, to try to fit in with them, to be able to do what they to, to know what they know.

Throughout most of human history, that’s how children become educated and that’s still largely how children become educated today, despite our misguided attempts to stop it and turn the educating job over to adults.

There are many lessons, he says, that children learn or can learn from other children that they cannot or are not likely to learn from adults.

1. Authentic communication

For example:  an adult points to a red ball and asks “What color is that?” Gray argues that this is not an honest question, since the adult knows the answer. It is not really a question at all; it is a test.  A child would never ask such a question, nor would a child give false praise to another child, the way that adults praise a child’s artwork, for example.

2. Independence and courage

According to Gray, the ultimate goal of childhood is to move away from dependence on parents and establish oneself as one’s own person. Part of gaining independence is gaining courage to face the challenges and deal with the emergencies that are part of every day life. Children must learn to manage fear.

3. Creating and understanding the purpose and modifiability of rules.

Adults follow the rules when they play a game. Children make up their own. When playing with other children, they feel free to challenge ideas about the rules. They learn to negotiate. They learn that rules are not ‘fixed in heaven’, but made by humans to make the game more fair.

This is an important lesson, Gray says. It is a cornerstone of democracy.

4. Practicing and building on the skills and values of adult culture

Children incorporate into their play many of the skills and values that they observe among adults. That is way farmers’ children play at farming, for example.

5. Getting along with others as equals

The adult-child relationship is not equal. The adult has all the power. By playing with other children, children learn how to get along with peers: how to pay attention to the needs of others, how to share, how to negotiate, how to assert their own needs and desires.

And here’s something else that Gray turns inside out and asks us to re-think. We bemoan the ‘screen time’ that our children have; we want to ban or limit that time. But Gray says that children are using the Internet to connect because adults have prevented them from getting together anywhere else. They have creatively found a way to do what they have always done.

If we did ban or limit screen time, Gray says, while still banning children from public spaces without adult supervision, we would finally succeed in destroying the culture of childhood.

We would prevent children from educating themselves in the ways they always have, and we would see the rise of a generation of adults who don’t know how to be adults because they never had a chance to practice it.

Gray’s entire article can be found at https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201610/the-culture-childhood-we-ve-almost-destroyed-it.